we hold these truths to be self evident

"That all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Life: Live the one you have dreamt of, pursue it to the ends of the earth, be who you want to become until you become that person, and then become a better version of her, BELIEVE that you are destined for great things, that there is an undeniable grander plan for your life....hunt it, capture it, become IT. 

Liberty: you have the power to be YOU, and if you don't know who YOU are...then stop at nothing until you discover your identity. Be free, free as a bird...

Pursuit of Happiness: The undeniable "American Dream". Following our every dream. Living our our every dream, freely as we have dreamt it. 

So what is your dream? Who will you become...what liberties will you take to live it?

Practical Magic

“There are some things, after all, that Sally Owens knows for certain: Always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Add pepper to your mashed potatoes. Plant roses and lavender, for luck. Fall in love whenever you can.” 

― Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic

Somewhere in my middle school years I saw Practical Magic for the first time. At that age, I was obsessed with the possibility of witchcraft. Could it be real? Could I have magical powers...maybe if I just practiced. Focused on developing my birth right....

The next time I saw the same movie, I was in my early twenties...and for me the premise of the story had changed. As I grew older, I learned that magic was the joy that you created in your own life, and "miracles" were possible if you worked hard to achieve them. The story of Practical Magic, developed differently this time in my mind, it became about the bond of sisterhood, the faith in love, and the strength of your spirit that can only be built by your family. YOU-- ultimately--defined your character as your grew older, but the core of your being, was always the inner child developed by your family. 

We all grow feeling some kind of angst towards our family--siblings, Mom, and Dad.
(If you didn't, congratulations. I did.)
In my early adult years, I was determined to shed everything my family had taught me. I would NOT be shackled to their conservative views on the world.
I would be different, I would join the 'voice' of the people.
I was determined to prove them wrong...

I'm not sure why we rebel--scratch that--i'm not sure who I was fighting my family or me. 

Fast forward the rebellion to 28, and it all comes down to practical magic. My family, as hard as I have fought them, have defined me. They have taught me all the practical magic I need to live my best life. I guess my birthright wasn't love spells, flying, or turning my enemies into frogs. (Can't I at least spin a pencil in circle just by staring at it, come on!!)

Love, faith, and family are the only spells you need to experience your own practical magic.

 "Always say please and thank you. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Be who you want to become. Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else. BE YOU. Be kind to everyone. Love has no limits."

Todd&Kathleen Hodgins

We were standing...Forsythe/Bowery

Feet on the ground. Connected to every step that I take, feeling grounded--secure.
Knowing that the best is yet to come.
Never looking back.
Overwhelmed with this childhood blindness, that keeps me going. Keeps me smiling.
I don't have to TRY to forget the past, because I live constantly in the now.
The faded memories, are like a photograph that you can no longer make out the images.
Who I am now, is everything I have wanted to become.

No fear.

amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saves a wretch like me...

Today, I remembered the blessings that the Lord has given me. I have lifted my prayers up to him on countless occasions, and he has never turned me away. God has a way of showing us a path, when we don't even know we need it. He is always challenging us, to be a more perfect version of ourselves...and we too are constantly challenged to be more like Him. My heart is softened by the love that He has shown me, and the He has shone on my life.

I have been blessed to be surrounded by people in my life who support me for the person I am...not the person I was, or who they want me to be...but the person my Father created and who stands here...completely imperfect. As we get older , we realize that these people become fewer and fewer. It really is quality over quantity. I am grateful, and astounded daily by the grace and the love that is bestowed upon me from my friends....

There is a light in our heart that never goes out, we can try to dim His light...but He always has a way of turning it back up.

"I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see..."


You're AMAZING

but...i said THANK YOU!

Today, I am thankful.
These are the things I am thankful for...

• This beautiful place that I found myself back in. PORTLAND, OREGON. Thankful for the route that helped me get here. It was filled with mistakes, and I'll probably continue to make some of them. I'm only human, not perfect.
•  My big heart. It's loved and been loved back..and in the times where the hurt felt like it would never end...it felt again. I am so aware of it's power. It's desire to love infinitely. 
• My FAMILY...those people who love me no matter what
• This insatiable sweet tooth I've acquired. CANDY...you can run, but you can't hide from me.
• Local Natives-Hummingbird
• Creativity

Babel

Hello 2013!

 We're only a few days in, and I can see that you are going to give me a run for my money this year. It's true, huh?

 "I stretch my arms into the sky I cry, Babel, Babel look at me now"

 I reflect back on 2012 with a warm heart, and a big smile. I can honestly say, I am for the first time in my life completely comfortable in my own skin. I can stand firm with my feet planted into the earth, grounded and humbled. There are always going to be speed bumps along the way, things reminding me to slow down. I'm constantly reminded of my vision for my best life, and challenged to keep on that path. This doesn't mean I am perfect, or that I am with out fault. I am, and I think that's the best part about 2012--being able to admit where I am wrong. Taking responsibility for all my faults for the first time in my adult life. It sure as hell doesn't feel good all the time, but guess what...I'm getting closer to the light...closer...and closer.

 When I came back to Portland in June, I wanted things to go back to the way they were when I lived here before. Same friends, same places, doing the same things, living the life of a 24 year old. Unfortunately, I am not that insecure 24 year old from before. A girl of irresponsibility and a passion for the next big thrill. Someone who would never say she was sorry, or take responsibility for her actions. That girl, I feel for the most part is gone. She shows her face every once in awhile, we can only strive to be perfect, we can never truly be there. I am now an almost 30 something, who is demanding her best life. Who is planning methodically for that, and what have I learned? That all those old friends, and old places...are just that OLD. I lived my life for the first time when I set foot on to the snowy grounds of SLC. I was isolated, and determined. Determined to be a better version of myself...why would I abandon that to rekindle flames that have burnt out years ago? It's true what they say...you can't go back.

 Living my best life in 2013 means keeping my feet firmly planted on this path. It means standing up with integrity, and choosing what's best for me. It means taking responsibility of things, and saying to myself 'this will never happen again', and not faltering. A few months ago I heard that you are the 6 people you are closest with. These 6 people share the same common vision for my life, it's time to start fresh. Moving forward in 2013. "

Cause I'll know my weakness, know my voice, and I'll believe in grace and choice,and I know perhaps my heart is fast--But I’ll be borne without a mask"

the Runaway

It's funny how our memory works.

Omitting anything bad, and only letting the good things really shine in the light.

Maybe this isn't so bad after all?

Unfortunately, it leads to forgetfulness. It's makes you unclear of how you've made it from point A to point B. In my case, exactly how I ended up here...

Writing this...

thinking about the same damn thing over and over again, playing the memories like a bad movie that I can't stop watching...again...and again.

It makes me wonder...

Maybe all the memories are really good. Did anything short of love really happen between us? Maybe...just maybe it was a good year, and when I look back on this year that I'm currently living...I'll think the same thing.

Sometimes, I think deep inside myself...I can feel each rise and fall of my chest, and I pretend that I can feel you...doing the same thing too.

I get caught up, just wondering.

Wondering where you are? Who you are? What you are doing? Where you might be going? Who you are with?
Wondering, all the time...

(but not really all the time anymore, just sometimes...like this)

What you think of me, if you think of me...if there's even a margin of hope that you could still possibly be one of the strongest lights in my life.

You did LIGHT up my life. I just needed to turn you off, so I could have some time to find my own light.

and I have, it seems that I might just be living my best life.. All the light in my life doesn't stop me...

 Doesn't stop me from thinking of you, where ever you are...