On letting go, and me.

I have no doubt in my mind, that the last year of my life was a detour that I had to take. To solve the mystery, to fill in some pieces of myself that I was missing, but to ultimately realize that I wasn't quite as healed as I thought I was.
That being said, I am remembering what it was like to live in the NOW. To only live in the real moments, and not waste valuable time dwelling on the things that are so far out of our control.
Once I woke up, I realized I was truly awake. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I had seen everything just as it was. But I was selfish, I let my ego, and my mind get the best of me. It destroyed me, I found myself back in the same weak spot...insecurity, doubt...ego driven. I let myself spiral completely beyond control. Like a tornado destroys a small town, I destroyed a small part of myself that I had so diligently fixed. It's been an amazing wake-up call, to realize that even though a lesson can be learned, sometimes you have to learn it all over again...to know...that maybe you weren't quite fixed in the first place. I am realizing that our mind, is a constant work in progress. All to often, it truly gets the best of us. We have to be strong enough to control the elements...to say "Is this item, thought or response moving me closer to my vision of my best life? If it doesn't what is it doing in my life?"
The minute I started to refocus on MY vision of MY best life, I was replaced on the path that I had so mindlessly detoured from. It's like all the pieces are falling back into place, doors have opened that I thought were shut forever. I am realizing that I am the most important element in my life, and guess what...I've always loved myself. I just get caught up in loving others too much, that I put me on the back burner. I won't stand for being there anymore. I won't be scared to stand out. To remove things from my life that don't make me feel good. And to always stay strong in my convictions. If it isn't getting me to where I want to be, then I want nothing to do with it.
I realize the selfishness in my actions. I wanted to be loved so bad, that I didn't care. I wanted to prove to myself, that love was real in the real world, and I wasn't going to let a bad breakup take that from me. I don't regret feeling that, I just know that I couldn't have possibly invested in love the way I would like to--I invested in infatuation, in EGO, and in time. I realize that I really did have to go down this detour to realize that I have faults, that I have some serious growing to continue doing. That I am strong when I stand alone, that I am bigger than the things, people, and places that I have let myself go. That I am really meant for greater things, and I have to work diligently everyday, to continue to travel down this road I am on.
Watch out world...if you ever had a doubt in your mind...let it go.

How can I love, when I'm afraid?

It's true what they say, Mother knows best. My Mom always seems to find the words to calm my spirit, and put ease on my heart.
Her wise words tonight, put me one step closer. To what? I have no idea. I believe, I can find what I am looking for if I keep my eyes wide open.
Maybe all these years, I have been distracted. I've been distracted by the fear or the unknown. It's forced me to keep my eyes shut. How many times have I passed the path I was meant to be on? I am not letting my best life pass me by anymore...
I am here, and I am ready to start this journey. No fear, no regret. Letting love surround me in all corners...I really have the best support system in the world.

If you don't love yourself, how the hell can you love someone else?

sometimes the hardest thing, and the right thing are the same

Lately, I've wished I could be invisible. I've wished that I could go back to my normal routine, and forget everything that lay in the past. What is it about me, that I can't seem to set free my mind when it is in such turmoil? Why must I dwell so much? When will I see the light...
I keep telling myself, that I have seen that light at the end of the tunnel. I remember that last time I saw it so clearly, maybe that's what scary, I know it wasn't easy. I'm standing in the middle of the same room, unable to move, as it spins around me at a rapid speed. There's a constant knot in my throat, burning in my eyes, quiver in my lips. I know
I am, but I am trying to remember who I was--alone.
Mostly, I am terrified. Scared of the journey that lies ahead of me, scared to watch someone I care about so deeply turn away for me. Loving someone still, when they don't love you anymore. I wish I could turn it off, I will get there...with time, I just wish it was right now.

Highway of Endless Dreams

7 AM dusty road...I'm gonna drive til it burns my bones...

I need to go on a drive, I need to clear my head...everything is so out of place, and cluttered.

As each empty miles reads on your speedometer, the road seems eternally endless. Full of curves, and obstacles, but always promising for you never know what is around the corner.

Where do you go from here?

Isn't it funny, that just when you feel like your life is on a high note. Something has to go and knock you down?

now is all we have

I have lost focus of the NOW. Continuously dwelling in the ego driven world of the past, and present. Trying to take grip of the future, when I have no control and am not conscious of the present. I need to get back to the ground, stay anchored, be the moment, be the now... ACCEPT WHAT IS.

Here are some things I am trying to REMEMBER...

ACCEPT WHAT IS

Through forgiveness which means recognizing the insubstantiality of the past and allowing the present moment to be AS IT IS.

When you are fully conscious, drama does NOT come into your life.

Relinquish all judgement

Wherever you are, be there TOTALLY.

Are you polluting the world, or cleaning up the mess?

THE PRESENT MOMENT IS ALL YOU EVER HAVE.
TRANSFORM YOUR THINKING.

-I am excited to get back in touch with my being, and re-live my life in the now-

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