I have no doubt in my mind, that the last year of my life was a detour that I had to take. To solve the mystery, to fill in some pieces of myself that I was missing, but to ultimately realize that I wasn't quite as healed as I thought I was.
That being said, I am remembering what it was like to live in the NOW. To only live in the real moments, and not waste valuable time dwelling on the things that are so far out of our control.
Once I woke up, I realized I was truly awake. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I had seen everything just as it was. But I was selfish, I let my ego, and my mind get the best of me. It destroyed me, I found myself back in the same weak spot...insecurity, doubt...ego driven. I let myself spiral completely beyond control. Like a tornado destroys a small town, I destroyed a small part of myself that I had so diligently fixed. It's been an amazing wake-up call, to realize that even though a lesson can be learned, sometimes you have to learn it all over again...to know...that maybe you weren't quite fixed in the first place. I am realizing that our mind, is a constant work in progress. All to often, it truly gets the best of us. We have to be strong enough to control the elements...to say "Is this item, thought or response moving me closer to my vision of my best life? If it doesn't what is it doing in my life?"
The minute I started to refocus on MY vision of MY best life, I was replaced on the path that I had so mindlessly detoured from. It's like all the pieces are falling back into place, doors have opened that I thought were shut forever. I am realizing that I am the most important element in my life, and guess what...I've always loved myself. I just get caught up in loving others too much, that I put me on the back burner. I won't stand for being there anymore. I won't be scared to stand out. To remove things from my life that don't make me feel good. And to always stay strong in my convictions. If it isn't getting me to where I want to be, then I want nothing to do with it.
I realize the selfishness in my actions. I wanted to be loved so bad, that I didn't care. I wanted to prove to myself, that love was real in the real world, and I wasn't going to let a bad breakup take that from me. I don't regret feeling that, I just know that I couldn't have possibly invested in love the way I would like to--I invested in infatuation, in EGO, and in time. I realize that I really did have to go down this detour to realize that I have faults, that I have some serious growing to continue doing. That I am strong when I stand alone, that I am bigger than the things, people, and places that I have let myself go. That I am really meant for greater things, and I have to work diligently everyday, to continue to travel down this road I am on.
Watch out world...if you ever had a doubt in your mind...let it go.
