Hello 2013!
We're only a few days in, and I can see that you are going to give me a run for my money this year. It's true, huh?
"I stretch my arms into the sky I cry, Babel, Babel look at me now"
I reflect back on 2012 with a warm heart, and a big smile. I can honestly say, I am for the first time in my life completely comfortable in my own skin. I can stand firm with my feet planted into the earth, grounded and humbled. There are always going to be speed bumps along the way, things reminding me to slow down. I'm constantly reminded of my vision for my best life, and challenged to keep on that path. This doesn't mean I am perfect, or that I am with out fault. I am, and I think that's the best part about 2012--being able to admit where I am wrong. Taking responsibility for all my faults for the first time in my adult life. It sure as hell doesn't feel good all the time, but guess what...I'm getting closer to the light...closer...and closer.
When I came back to Portland in June, I wanted things to go back to the way they were when I lived here before. Same friends, same places, doing the same things, living the life of a 24 year old. Unfortunately, I am not that insecure 24 year old from before. A girl of irresponsibility and a passion for the next big thrill. Someone who would never say she was sorry, or take responsibility for her actions. That girl, I feel for the most part is gone. She shows her face every once in awhile, we can only strive to be perfect, we can never truly be there. I am now an almost 30 something, who is demanding her best life. Who is planning methodically for that, and what have I learned? That all those old friends, and old places...are just that OLD. I lived my life for the first time when I set foot on to the snowy grounds of SLC. I was isolated, and determined. Determined to be a better version of myself...why would I abandon that to rekindle flames that have burnt out years ago? It's true what they say...you can't go back.
Living my best life in 2013 means keeping my feet firmly planted on this path. It means standing up with integrity, and choosing what's best for me. It means taking responsibility of things, and saying to myself 'this will never happen again', and not faltering. A few months ago I heard that you are the 6 people you are closest with. These 6 people share the same common vision for my life, it's time to start fresh. Moving forward in 2013.
"
Cause I'll know my weakness, know my voice, and I'll believe in grace and choice,and I know perhaps my heart is fast--But I’ll be borne without a mask"
