we use to wait

Do you ever go against all the feelings that you are feeling in your gut?
Ignore your instincts?
Disregard your intuition?

I do it all the time.
I always wanna believe people are good.

I think that's what hurts the most, the bruising of your ego. Knowing that you were completely wrong about something or someone. Letting your weaknesses get the best of you, falling for everything, and falling into all kinds of things you thought you were stronger than.

Remember when we climbed to the top of that cape? Up there I felt like our love was infinite. In those perfect moments, it felt like the earth stopped moving. I had found my soul mate. "Whatever our souls were made of, his and mine were the same." Funny how a year changes everything.

I couldn't even look at you if I saw you. I wouldn't even recognize you if you were standing in front of me. You are the shell of a love, now lost. Stagnating in the depths of my memory, haunting that moment in time.

I feel more whole now than I have in the last 7 months. Still waiting to feel like myself again, missing you less day to day...it's more like once a week. I remember how you used to look at me, I remember when you used to love me...I remember the day it all fell apart. I could never say I am glad it happened, but I wouldn't change the way it's impacted me so far this year for everything. I am different.

I am a new improved version of myself, still falling down but demanding that I get back up again.