Wednesday, September 1, 2010

i’ve seen enough of my friends, in the depths of the god sick blues..

I have laid in my room with the lights off for the last 2 days. I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness. I think I have finally figured it out.

I by no means regret coming to SLC. In fact, I think in a lot of ways the moved saved me from longer term heartache and regret. It opened my eyes to all new possibilities, unfortunately now it just reminds me of the worst year of my life, and I am ready to put this city behind me.

Where to go from here?

Do I just leave my job, and say screw it? Should I put my heart in the hands of God, and tell him to do what he will with me. At one point I thought I had everything all figured out, and now I just feel really confused.

I can still feel that constant knot in my throat, you know the one you feel when you are trying to hold back every ounce of emotion that wants to fall out of you mouth?

I don’t miss him like I used to. I still want to forget everything. No one replaces him, probably because I won’t let them.

I need to remember that I am focusing on me…

REMEMBER

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