keep it.

I keep reminding myself to stay focused up. To stay grounded, to remember that I can DO THIS!

STAY STRONG KELLIANA.

I keep trying to figure out what I am doing here…but I am realizing that if I had the answer, maybe everything that happens wouldn’t be so frustrating. If I had all the answers, well hey life would be so boring.

I know that I am being set up for something bigger, that everything that has transpired in the last year, is for a reason bigger than I can even imagine right now.

I could have kept on doing things the way I always had been. I could have stayed in Portland, and just kept going through the motions of my life. Instead I took a risk, I traded in everything to be here. I took this opportunity to start my life over. To become something that I knew I had been in my heart, for a long time. To prove myself. TO TAKE RISKS.

In this moment. I wish I could start over again. I’m not ready to face the problems of today or tomorrow. I don’t want to be a failure at the one thing that I feel like in this life I am good at, and for a second I felt I had any control over.

Is this my wake up call? Is this my call to arms?

I feel like this is the millionth time I have asked myself this question in the last year, where do I go from here? I think I have to stop pretending. I am not okay. I haven’t been for a very long time. I think where I go is a place where I forgive myself…where I let go…where I look up, and see the light. Stay grounded, and remember not do anything irrational.