yo-yo

Due to my recent bought of insomnia, I am here again…writing to you, whoever you are, in hopes that you will hear me, if you ever were listening…now would be a good time.

Here is what I don’t understand. When did life get so complicated? Than again, when is the last time I remember my life being “simple”?

I should have taken the advice of a good friend over a month ago when she told me, not to dig up old graves. I find myself reliving a gamut of emotions that I honestly forgot had existed. At least for this particular situation. I have to remember where my heart was in the beginning of this year, how terribly trampled upon it felt, and how I never thought it would find its way to being whole again. No good advice could pass through my ears with out getting lost in translation some where. Everything I know now of HEARTBREAK, I learned for myself. How come I think that my advice on the subject is going to hold any weight for someone who is knee deep in it?

I have to look a little deeper and ask myself, what about this situation is effecting me NOW? Why am I letting it hold so much weight in my life? What is the actual JOY I can feel, and not the pain and despair?

I am HERE NOW.

This is an important part of my journey into progression. It feels good to know that I was important enough to contact, that I could bring some light into someone’s life when they needed it the most. I feel like, I was so desperate to pay it forward to all the advice that I was given in the last year, that I jumped the gun. My healing isn’t over yet, is what I am realizing now. I am almost there, but not completely prepared to cut the cord. I think I have rushed myself, been a little to hard on my process, stopped the grieving cause I didn’t want my world to crash down around me. Now, it’s crashing, and NOW it’s time to deal with it. Look around pick up the pieces that I need to start over, and leave the pieces that I don’t need behind.