I have never asked one single person to wallow in my misery with me. If you don’t want to hear it, tell me to shut up. In fact, I’d be fine with that. Sometimes I wish I could shut up. No one can tell you how you are supposed to act in your state of misery. Just cause you are sad, doesn’t meant you are a bad person. At some point the clouds will part and you will be happy again. There is no timeframe for getting over something, or someone.
I feel like we point fingers, when really at the end of the day we need to take a good long hard look in the mirror and see ourselves for what we really. I would say I am a pretty self aware person. I know my flaws, weaknesses, and strengths like the back of my hand. I know what’s going to bring me down, and pick me back up. I know these things because I am myself…I have lived my life the way I do for 25 years. Take it or leave it.
This blog has been the best outlet for me in the past months. I don’t think I would have come as far as I have, if I didn’t have this space to share my thoughts in. I am sure my misery radiates from me. I am better than I was, but I am not completely recovered. I choose everyday to get up, and continue on. That’s where I am at right now, that’s about all I have the strength for. As far as happiness, I give it a try here and there. It’s easier said than done, when most things remind you have the way things were.
Maybe it is easier for some people to just turn the page, and keep on. I have turned the page, and I’m trying really hard to keep on living. I internalize everything, most of this war that is being waged is inside of me. What I actually share is a 1/4 of what I am actually feeling.
Cest la vie.
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