I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to move on from all of this. It would be a spit in the face of the truth. Everyday, I wish I could get up and feel different, be different. Wake up and not be panicing from the nightmares that taunted me through the night. Wake up, and forget he ever existed. Forget we ever existed.
Why don't memory erasers exist? I'd just like a temporary cleanslate. It's almost been 2 months, and I still can't forget. Can't forget how much I love him. How much I wish I could mend whatever is broken.
Or at least mend what is broken with in me now.
I can't even think, or look at someone else. Maybe for a second I entertain the idea, and then the tears and the tightness in my chest sets in. It builds up, it pours out.
I am letting him rule my every step. He is still everywhere to me here. I can't imagine what this would feel like if I was actually home. In our home. In our city. In the place where we created everything together.
I can smell him in that car. There's no escaping him from day to day. He's there. I can hear him reminding me to get the oil changed...I can feel him in my veins.
Is it normal to be this obsessed? I mean is that what I am? Is this how hard it is to get over a broken heart?
at the end of the day, i really know he has let me go...and the worst part...i'm still holding on for dear life.
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